LOVE RIGHT NOW!

Published by Diane Anderson, MA
Registered Clinical Counsellor

LOVE RIGHT NOW! is an electronic newsletter with the purpose of helping people create love and happiness by transforming hurtful patterns of relationship!

Feature Article: What's Your Love Blueprint?

Please forward LOVE RIGHT NOW! to your friends, family and associates.

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In This Issue:

1. Note from Diane
2. Feature Article: What's Your Love Blueprint?
3. Love Byte
4. Action Step to Improve Your Relationships NOW!
5. More Action Steps
6. Seminars & Workshops
7. Counselling & Consulting
8. About Diane Anderson & Associates
9. About this Ezine

1. Note from Diane:

Dear Readers,

This month, Diane Anderson & Associates presents our seminar, What's Love Got To Do With It: How Your Love Blueprint Secretly Impacts Your Relationship Success.

This FREE 2-hour evening seminar will be offered in Vancouver and White Rock/South Surrey, here in beautiful British Columbia (November 15th and 16th). For those of you who want to learn about love blueprints and how they affect you're ability to be in a successful relationship, please join us. Of if you know someone who may be able to benefit from learning about successful relationships, forward this newsletter to them, send them to our website or bring them along!

For out of town subscribers, we don't want you to be left out. We will be recording the seminar to create a podcast or an easy to download MP3 recording available on our website after the seminars so you too can have access to this
important material. We definitely want this valuable relationship information to be available to everyone.

In this newsletter, I am going to give you a brief sample of the type of information we'll be providing at the seminar (as our space is limited here).  I hope this may help you to identify when your love blueprint maybe primed for creating unhelpful relationship behaviours. After all, knowledge is power!

For more information on the seminar itself, scroll down to "Section #6: Seminars and Workshops" of this newsletter
or go directly to our website at
www.dianeandersoncounselling.com/workshops.htm.

If you are on the homepage of our website, you can always
quickly link to the seminar page via the little heart icon!

And speaking of hearts...just a quick personal note. I want to say "Happy Birthday" to my wonderful and charming husband, Tom! I am so glad he was born today, November 1st! What a great day to celebrate!

Until next time... happy loving!

Diane

P.S. As last July's newsletter was sent out with a few gremlins in it, you will be receiving a re-issue of it following this e-newsletter. And, like all our back issues, it will be posted at our website under articles.

2. What's Your Love Blueprint?

Has finding and keeping a love relationship been a challenge for you?

It certainly has been for me. It's taken me over 30 years of failed relationships to find out what was really required to have the relationship of my dreams.

And it wasn't by continually looking for the perfect partner that I found success... although I tried that very many times. And although I do believe I have found the perfect partner now... it's not because he's "perfect" that it works (sorry Tom!) but because he's perfect for having a great relationship with! We are good together and good for each other.

What was really required to make my relationships successful was not finding the "right guy," but in changing my own programming for create the capacity for great relationships. In other words, I had to change my "love blueprint" in order to find and attract happiness, passion and security in my love relationships.

And the problem with that was, I didn't even know I had a love blueprint or that it was programmed for pain and disastrous love connections!

Personally, I believe that 30 years is way too long for anyone to have to wait for happiness, passion and security. I want to pass along what my 25 years of education and training applied to my 30 years of personal experiences has taught me!

At Diane Anderson and Associates, we see the disastrous impact and painful legacy that unsuccessful relationships have on generations and generations of people. And we don't think anyone should be complacent about that!

We know that you can discover what it takes to have a fantastic love relationship... and that it's not that difficult to do. The "secret" to a great relationship lies in knowing what 35 years of relationship research has uncovered. Namely that we ALL have a unique relationship pattern or
"love blueprint." And just like your fingerprint identifies who you are, your love blueprint identifies what your relationships will be like.

At Diane Anderson & Associates, we know that your love blueprint is like a hidden force determining how your relationship unfolds and what your success in love will be.

Here are some quick examples of how your love blueprint can determine the quality of your relationship success... without your even knowing it.

If your love blueprint is set for maintaining distance in a relationship, then you may find your relationship pattern is to be:

• reluctant, quiet, shut down, and closed off with your partner about important things in the relationship
• increasingly preoccupied with work, family, friends, or sports to the exclusion of your partner and your family
• disinterested with your partner or in sex

If your love blueprint is set for drama and chaos in relationships, then you may find your relationship pattern is to be:

• consistently late, always rushing, and disrupting your partner's well-being
• disorganized in your home or workplace and driving your partner crazy
• repeatedly involved in dramatic arguments
• constantly breaking up or leaving... and always getting back together again and wearing out your friends and family's support and patience
• having affairs
• abusing substances, over-spending, gambling or participating in other destructive behaviours
• violent with your partner... or choosing people who are violent as partners

If your love blueprint is set to prevent feeling abandoned, then you may find your pattern is to:

• require endless reassurance about your partner's love for you
• constantly criticize, question, and nag your partner
• be jealous and suspicious of your partner's outside interests and activitie
• cross personal boundaries or violate your partner's privacy
• feel envious of a partner's time with others, even children from a previous relationship

If your love blueprint is set for indifference, then you may find your relationship pattern is to:

• Be vague, non-committal, and often not know what you think or feel
• be laid back and easy-going while your partner wishes you'd show more responsibility or involvement
• forget special occasions or refuse to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries
• have the lower standard of tidiness in the house
• create partners who frequently complain they feel uncared for or unloved
• choose partners who lie or cheat on you
• be shocked and surprised when your partner is angry
• have no idea why your partner ends the relationship

Do you relate to any of these patterns? If so, then the What's Love Got To Do With It seminar can show you how to identify and change the hidden forces that doom relationships.

Yes, it requires attention, commitment and maybe even some professional help to change the really entrenched patterns, but awareness and understanding is the first step. At Diane Anderson & Associates, we know how to help you
change your love blueprint and we want to share with you some ways to begin to do that.

And after years of successfully helping couples overcome their negative love blueprints in therapy, we wanted to be able to reach more people. We hate seeing people suffering
unnecessarily... and worse, making others suffer along with them.

We designed What's Love Got To Do With It because we want as many people as possible to begin to have the tools necessary to create healthy loving relationships for themselves... and for the generations to follow.

Research shows that your "love blueprint":

• is formed over time and without your awareness
• automatically influences who you select for a partner
• impacts how you interact with your partner
• determines if your relationships will be satisfying and healthy, or difficult and painful
• can be changed—as long as you discover how to create the kind of love relationships you need and long for

If you want to know more about love blueprints, come to the seminar. It will be fun, informative, and presented in everyday practical language. You will discover:

• how patterns and behaviours you exhibit in everyday communication with your partner can predict (with 94% accuracy!) whether your relationship is healthy and happy or likely to fail within the next few years!
• the way your brain is hard-wired and how this can affect your ability to get physically- and emotionally-close and connected in an intimate relationship.
• how your ability to experience your emotions in your body and to communicate them in a clear and constructive way not only makes you more attractive, but directly affects intimacy and closeness with your partner, has a profound effect on your relationship well-being, and impacts your physical health.
• FIVE simple things you can do right now to turn your relationship around and make it GREAT!

You will see not only how YOUR love blueprint impacts your relationship success with your partner, but how you can apply this information to your relationships with your kids, with your friends, and at work... immediately!

Please join us at What's Love Got To Do With It. The seminar is free and usuallyfills to capacity quickly.

Pre-registration is required to reserve your seat. To register now, click here.

3. Love Byte

"It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."

From Chinese proverb, also quoted by Adlai Stevens in praise of Eleanor Roosevelt at the United Nations General Assembly (1962).

4. Relationship Action Step #5

What is it that you know about your love blueprint? What has influenced your ideas about intimacy and closeness, about dealing with conflict, about expressing emotions, affection and sexual desires?

Often we stay so focused on our partner's shortcomings without ever considering what standard we are basing our expectations on? Or without even questioning the validity and/or origins of these standards and expectations.

Have you spent time examining yourself and your own motivations, longings, and desires? Have you ever shared these with your partner in a non-critical manner?

Dr. John Gottman, an amazing relationship researcher from Seattle, suggests that couples (re)build the friendship between them before tackling their conflicts. He also advocates that couples have an idea of each other's "love maps"—their histories and experiences that have shaped their current desires and behaviours.

But the challenge is that in order to know our partner's love maps, our partner has to share their own stories with us. Therefore, it is imperative that we be curious and supportive and LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGMENT. (Which many of you know, is not so easy to do!)

I agree with Gotmann on many points. And I hope you will begin to have a conversation with yourself first, then gently inquire into your partner's experiences and emotional make-up.

You can start with 10 minutes a day simply checking in with how each other's day went or what is one significant event your partner will be dealing with tomorrow. Sounds easy, right?

BUT there are a few rules with this process: never judge, never offer advice, and as Gottman warns, never EVER side with anyone but your partner in these conversations—NO MATTER how much you believe your partner may be wrong and the others right, no matter how much you want to HELP your partner increase their self awareness, no matter how much you are convinced pointing out their short-sightedness is for their own good! And that's the hard part!

This 10-minute (each way) daily conversation is to just connect with each other and create the safety that allows us to be truly vulnerable with one another. Your goal is to create the feeling that you two are a team, there for each other, all-for-one-and-one-for-all, you and me against the world no matter what the world throws our way!

Now I am not advocating that you put on a saccharine "everything's fine" facade. Of course, there will need to be time to address the problems and issues and disagreements between the two of you—and this is essential—but only once the connection and safety and friendship is shored up between the two of you.

Try it, and watch what happens when you take time to learn about yourself and your partner's very differing realities.

For more information on John Gottman's work, go to the Resources page on my website for a direct link to Amazon and to Gottman's book... and to other terrific and helpful relationship authors.

5. More Relationship Action Steps

Want more tips on Relationships?

For more tips, download my 21-page FREE report:
21 WAYS TO WIN AT LOVE

Or check out the Articles page on my website.

6. Seminars and Workshops

What's Love Got To Do With It is here again!

Reaching out to the community and sharing our knowledge is so important to us at Diane Anderson& Associates. After all, we believe that knowledge provides the power and choice to make a difference in ALL relationships.

The seminar is FREE. It will be presented in:

Vancouver
Thursday November 15th
7-9pm
Sport BC Building
409 - 1367 W Broadway
Vancouver, BC  V6H 4A9
Map

White Rock/South Surrey
Rotary Fieldhouse, South Surrey Athletic Park
148th and 24th Avenue
Surrey, BC
Map

For more information, check out our website at
www.dianeandersoncounselling.com/workshops.htm.

7. Counselling & Consulting

Are you struggling in your relationships?

Do you seem to have a pattern of being hurt or hurting others?

Do you want to take your relationship to the next level?

Whatever your relationship concerns and questions are, we can help.

Married, living together, dating or looking for that special someone, we will show you how to identify your relationship problems accurately, transform your frustrations into the moments that bring you closer together, and repair hurts that have occurred along the way.

We can also help you enhance and deepen an already solid and satisfying relationship by realizing your life-long desires and goals for loving.
 
Contact us for a free 10 minute phone consultation. Together we can explore how we might help you solve your relationship problems.

For general inquiries, you can email our Administrator who will set up your free consultation, make an appointment or answer your questions at info@DianeAndersonCounselling.com

or visit our website:

www.DianeAndersonCounselling.com

8. About Diane Anderson

Diane Anderson, MA, is a Registered Clinical Counsellor who assists individual and couples in healing hurtful pattern of relationships and creating the happy, healthy loving relationships they long for.

Diane has been on all sides of relationships: married, divorced, and now happily remarried again. She knows what it takes to make or break a relationship as a couple, how awfully painful and costly it is to go through a separation and/or a divorce and how challenging it is to dive into the relationship swimming pool again!

She has also been a client of several relationship therapists, so she has a keen sense of what helps couples sort out their relationship troubles.

Diane says, "I am a happy, living example of how hurtful patterns of loving and relating can be changed!"

Diane lives and practices in beautiful White Rock, British Columbia, Canada!

Edel Walsh is a Registered Professional Counsellor and Certified Life Coach. Edel works from West-End Vancouver office is especially convenient for those in the downtown core, the North Shore, North Burnaby, and South and East Vancouver areas.  For more information about Edel, please visit
www.dianeandersoncounselling.com/edel_walsh.htm.

Lorill Drummund, Registered Clinical Counsellor working in White Rock office. Both Lorill and Diane are convenient for people located in Richmond, Surrey, Coquitlam, Cloverdale, Langley, Mission and further in the Fraser Valley. We are also convenient for Washington residents, especially Blaine, Bellingham and Seattle areas. For more information about Lorill, please visit www.dianeandersoncounselling.com/lorill_drummund.htm.

9. This Ezine

Feedback:

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info@DianeAndersonCounselling.com

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Back Issues:

If you would like to read previous issues of this ezine, you will find them at: www.dianeandersoncounselling.com/articles.htm.

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Copyright Diane Anderson, 2007. All Rights Reserved.

Diane Anderson, MA
Registered Clinical Counsellor
T: 778-292-0260
E: info@DianeAndersonCounselling.com
www.DianeAndersonCounselling.com

Suite 188
800-15355 24^th Avenue
Surrey, BC
V4A 2H9
CANADA

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Diane Anderson & Associates — Counsellor
Serving: Greater Vancouver, Surrey, South Surrey,
White Rock, Langley, Cloverdale, Fraser Valley, and Tsawwassen, British Columbia as well as Blaine,
Bellingham, and Seattle, Washington.